As we near Christmas and the oh so exciting arrival of Harper I find myself filled with thoughts of excitement and apprehension.
As my Mom will quickly agree and even tease me for it I am a lover of Christmas and birthdays. I countdown, pick out gifts, plan parties and have an oh so hard time sleeping the night before. As a child I remember sneaking in the Sound of Music on tv at 2 in the morning on the Christmas Eve because I just could not sleep with all the excitement. At 29 years old nothing has changed. I still can't sleep because I am filled with thoughts of joy and anticipation for what the next morning will bring. The difference since becoming a Mommy is that I am excited for Evelyn to open her presents. I love seeing the look on her face when the houses light up at night or she meets a reindeer or visits Santa. Evelyn is just like I am sure I was. Her joy over the holidays this year is not even containable. At every turn she is yelling "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Birthday Jesus". She sings carols everywhere and even makes us do actions along with her whether it is at home or Costco Evelyn insists full on participation.
At the same time I am planning for Christmas and all the fun it brings I am also planning for the arrival of our lovely Harper. This is also exciting and joyful. I think Evelyn is just as excited for Harper to arrive as she is Santa. Yesterday at Church someone asked her who comes next week and Evelyn excitedly yelled "HARPER!". We have the nursery done, the bassinet is set up, carseat is in the van and the hospital bag is packed. We just need MorMor and Far to arrive. While I feel fully prepared with all things tangible and I truly believe we have done an amazing job preparing Evelyn for the arrival of her new sister I still feel this hit of apprehension about the changes about to happen in our family. I sometimes wonder how I will be capable of loving another child as much as I love Evelyn and I worry about postpartum depression. Depression is something that has challenged me greatly since Evelyn was born. I am hoping and praying that because I know what the ugly face of postpartum depression looks like and because I am still taking medication and even seeing a counselor on occasion that this time around my depression will not be as severe. After so many months of being sick and my body fighting against me I am hoping that the transition to having Harper in my arms will be smooth and as joyful as Christmas.
I am so incredibly excited for this chapter to close and the next to begin. God has so richly blessed my life with Mike and Evelyn that I feel incredibly blessed to get to experience being a family of 4.
